The following is what happened during my last session of EMDR. Typically my therapist would stop every once in a while and we would talk about what I am seeing. This time I kept asking her to keep going. It’s about 40 minutes of almost uninterrupted EMDR. I hesitate to post it because it is so incredibly personal, it is like walking down Main street naked! but I think it is important to share.
I keep careful track of my seizure activity. Last year I had on average 12.5 seizures a month. This month I finished the EMDR and I had 4. Of those 4, I know at least 2 of those I intentionally ignored surfacing emotions and could have been avoided. I would encourage anyone who has Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, is a trauma survivor or is recovering memories to try EMDR. I gained in about 10 weeks what should have taken years of painful flashbacks. I gained in one session, the answer and resolution I was looking for, but could have never told myself. I am much more in touch in my emotions and in control of my seizures. From here I expect them to continue to decrease.
After my last post I went into a deep depression. My life did not make sense to me any more. The thoughtless evil made no sense. I lost my purpose. I am back on track after this experience, my purpose has been renewed and made clear. It doesn’t make life easier, but it gives it meaning, and a reason to live. The EMDR gave me what I needed to see to integrate this trauma into it’s correct place in the timeline of my history. It still saddens me. I still cry, but I am not living in the past anymore. I am waking up to the present. It does not feel too heavy to bare.
The entire session I am having a conversation with a being who I believe to be my spirit guide or angel. Some may say I was just talking with myself, I highly doubt that. “Angel” as I call him, has a name but for now I’ll just refer to him as Angel.Read More